oh yeah. you're real fucking cool. drugs, alcohol, sex, gay porn. you're a fucking rock star. hope you die shooting heroin.

i feel like an asshole. i'm selfish enough to be happy that my dad has decided to move back to california. his fiance is on some kind of a waiting list so she can get some document that will allow her to come into the country. as soon as the government allows beth access the states, she will move here and then quit her job. though i do still feel sorry that she hasn't been able to find her brother and sister in law. well thats all for tonight. tomorrow i leave for new york.

so i've never had a person take me to the mall, and tell me to get whatever i wanted. it was ridiculous; he made me get a $150 leather jacket. it was on sale 60% off. i just can't handle that kind of splurge. it makes me feel like that money could be spent in way better places. wearing this jacket makes me think that the money could go towards college, or some sort of bill, or some charity that could benefit the kids in nigeria. i just dont know. i love it, but i'm also embarrassed. (sp?)
he bought be shoes, clothes, a laptop and he still wants to buy me things.
i just cant handle this shit.
i wish he would stop.

so i've been talking to a certain simpleton lately. he's been telling me all the drama you kids have been trying to start. at this point, i actually feel sorry for him, and i dont think i'll be on your side for this one. i like the fact i can talk to him and see through his bullshit and i can read his honesty. i like the fact that i can do that with everyone around me. i like the fact that you guys are clinging on to him even though he's fucked you over (not just metaphorically) so many times, and you still just cannot let go.

i'm glad that you guys aren't quitters.

but on the flip side,

i'm disappointed that you guys have addictive personalities.

the hipster lifestyle can do that to a person.

enjoy.

everyone has got their cute little private blogs.
however, i'm absolutely jumping for joy because of one simple thing: her hilarious as fuck blog is now unprivate. no i'm not talking about the princesses of blog drama, but the clumsy one. oh yes, her blog is now unprivate. whenever i am down, she is whose blog i enjoy reading the most.
oh to have a long distance, ridiculous relationship. i hope for fucks sake she one day meets a tangible boy.



my dad just got in. first things we managed to do;

• rent a car,
• buy a christmas tree,
• buy some lights,
• get his old house back (to my surprise he kept a lot of his stuff there,)
• go to a use videogame store where we bought xbox 360, four games and have been playing them ever since

as my christmas present, my dad is going to get me a new laptop. which is great but unnecessary. i appreciate the fact that after what happened over the summer, he is willing to let go of the alcohol. i finally made him realize that me being there and he being intoxicated makes me extremely paranoid and uncomfortable. i think this christmas is great so far. i'm not with my cousins anymore, which is fine, because that simply means one thing:
long rides on long windy, beautiful roads, under a canopy of red woods in the heart of my favourite place in the world.
ridiculously poetic, i know.

i wish i went to drakes high.

this week is so great
sunday: meredith and sean and louis and sushi
monday: bought ticket for california
tuesday: math league
wednesday: masterminds
thursday: nothing really?
friday: packing for california
saturday: leave for california
next week? who knows.

i feel so dirty and trecherous for doing what i did,
but at the same time, i can't wait to see your face when you find out

oh boy i love it when kids think that they are so much more witty than they actually are. can you guess who i'm talking about?

i think its depressing that you still talk about it him. you do realize that you are essentially stalking him by interrogating his girlfriend's best friend?

funk the war three was a SUCCESS

let me just say that the cops are fucktards.

FFuck you if I want to fail, I'll fail.
Don't yell, don't try to keep me in the school... I'll just get out anyways. I have friends, you know, they'll let me back it. You're retarded and becoming a control freak. If I want to be a hobo, I'll be a hobo.

So on the night that all my friends are being inducted into NHS, my mom finds out that I'm failing ever academic class.
:)

I love confrontations.
I couldn't take my eyes off her fuzzy head band.

failing everything whats on her dress saturday --> make up work pratice flute... passing band ap music theory piano get ipod from belculfine short man what am i doing mary is so serious gamzon shut up will ricardo be mad? did fixsen send the email is he picking me up i need a nap insomnia came back do make up work no meetings do work my hand hurts i dislike wrighting wow i spelled that incorretly california philipines dad will he come back i miss cali SDS teachers and labor strike I wish I was in cali to help support how long will we keep writing my hand still hurts whats funny? is that a test birds trees swaying in the wind its becoming too poetic not poetic but retarded i don't like to aknowledge my thoughts wow i need to paint my nails bum bum bum badum bum bum bum hobbits and meij and gandalf and simple gifts


I love English class. I think I'll do this more often.

I love you but I feel disrespected. You can't just push me out of the way. I know that you are used to having your way--I really am aware--but sometimes its not about you.

MATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Math is great. Think about it though. People say that math is extremely pointless beyond the skill of multiplication... but then that could mean that any skill beyond its basics is pointless. Is it pointless for me to continue learning and improving on piano and flute, even though I already know simple rythms, notes and scales?
I think not. I think just like music, I will continue to learn and improve. The best job I could ever possibly have might require mathematical knowledge.




I will be taking Calculus next year. It is decided.

I feel rushed. Like everybody wants me to grow up, take care of them, be there waiting, but ready to go all at the same time. People make me feel like I'm slowing them down, as if I'm making their lives difficult. Currently "Mars" by Gustav Holst is playing in my head right now as I'm writing this. Perfect song to describe how I'm feeling right now. I just want to walk slowly through the rain like the girl in that picture. -->

I just want to relax, take a day off. Do things for myself, be myself. Not wait for people to tell me "it's okay, I've got it from here," or "I've got the girls, you go a head and do your homework." Lets take note of the fact that she said just five minutes ago. Playing the last minute game is always my favourite, especially when I was in the mood to do homework four hours ago... But anyways. I'll live. I'll just have to have the same spirit as their girl with the rainbow umbrella and the green rain boots.

TO TIRED TO WATCH A MOVIE?
Crazy.

Model UN, a success. Press Core, next time. Bed time, coming soon. Sarah crying, right now. Maya sleeping, down stairs. I'm tired, good night. Talking like this, don't know.

Fall is actually a great season. Gold, red, frosty green and hollow browns. Its a great time for pies, apple and sweet potato, great time for blankets and wistful books. To further this image would only be too poetic. So I'll go back to my regular diction. Fuck winter, fuck summer. It's all about those transitional seasons. I wish that Spring was the beginning of the year, not winter. That's when everything begins to grow, everything is new and fresh and smells of rain: clean and new. I want to go apple picking but I think it might be too late. I wanted to go on a haunted hay ride, but my parents wouldn't allow it. Fall should not involve pre-calculus. Math does not fit into this season, it would only take too much effort. Math should be saved for winter when there is nothing but blinding snow and disappointment.
If you don't get it, thats because I'm not making any sense anymore.

Met the Mayor today.
What a talkative man.
Changing the world one step at a time.

I cannot get over how incredibly rude you are.

I think you behave literally like a three year old. Get over yourself

sitting in the squirrel, i realize i love these ridiculous radical douche bags.

soccer
noon
police
violent
wander
bikes
party

i don't even know.

So I was thinking that I'm wide awake.

Life is becoming too full. I never have time to just relax anymore. Last year homework was hard because I was lazy. Now its just hard because there is no time.
But I also hate when I can't do something I want to because I have to babysit. Whats the point in having kids if you can't take care of them like a normal parent?
I need to fill my mind with good things. Fill it full of lots of music, hopes and dreams, and all of the fruits that make life wonderful.
I discovered that I got accepted to go to Hawaii with Brown University next April. Why me? Why not Mary or Martin?
The catch is, is that they ran out of financial aid. Thanks a lot Brown, thats twice.


I don't care about photography as much as I should, but its become one of those things. Like those moms who force their kids to play piano when they are seven, and the kid really doesn't like it, but it's a routine that they're mother has placed in their everyday life. Its just there. Not to be loved. I just hope that with this skill I can make money. Otherwise I will have wasted a lot of time that could have been spent on pursuing my piloting career.

I always wish my life was a simple as theirs. Ask for something and there it appears. It's like that for all of them. But then I suddenly realized, my future will be so much easier. I'll know how to work and get the things I need. And unlike them, my sense of self satisfaction will be far greater.

I've lost my mind. I'm nearly alone in this world, but thats alright.
I'll start over and try again.