so i was right? you slept with him?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUEu-pG1HWw

when everyones up front and they're not playing tricks,
i'll just have to remember that there will be days like this.
how do i make it go away?
its like an addiction, and i'm a liar.




not too sound too dramatic or anything.

what i want is just too far away right now.
maybe someday it'll change.

looking back its obvious how stupid we all were. immature, ignorant, selfish, ridiculous, indecisive. some of us have moved on while others have not.
but regardless of out current maturity level, we all share one thing in common: we are ready to get out.

what are you doing with your life? that is not attractive, thats fucking creepy.

jesus fucking christ, now i can't get you out of my head. go away, you arent even tangible.

i really hope the end of the world is the result of aliens.
i just hope i won't be here when it happens.

whatever, fuck you, i'm just having fun.

i'm not religious really and i certainly do not believe in god. but i'm feel like there has to be something beyond this. i'm hoping there is a heaven, but most likely there is probably just reincarnation. i'll come back as another person, but i wont remember this person.
nothing is ever certain though, maybe we do just end up in blackness.

i want to be in california. i'm miss the sun, the bay, mushroom hunting, the smell of fresh halibut and abalone, i miss the winding roads and i miss my dad.
when i'm old and grey, marin county will be the place for me, i swear.

i've never been such a crazy mess talking to anyone. it bums me out to think about it. i wish you weren't so far away.


dad, i cannot wait to see you again.

so what is the point of all this?
i dont know, but i like it.

=

i tried so hard.

i wish that i could experience the beauty and glory of a non industrialized life. the values, the love, the colour is so much brighter. and even though the world around them is telling them to be different, to modernize, they're pure and innocent nature remains. unfortunately, i've been tainted by the modern life, and if i'm honest with myself, i can admit that i could never commit wholly to the natural beauty that they experience everyday.

so much to do with so little time. so much to play, so much to think about, so much to scrape clean.

and so that is life. and we will move on from here.

everyone talks smack. EVERYONE. so everyone should just shut the fuck up. this is directed at EVERYONE, in case you couldn't tell.
i'm feeling extremely apathetic towards your highschool grudges.
they are pointless and time consuming.
shut up.
grow up.

i love you, but lately i've been noticing your slight selfishness and entitlement. i get it, because of where you come from, but sometimes i feel like you don't want to hear other people.

all i want to do is be independent.

all of a sudden, you're a huge ominous cloud hanging over my head.
go away.

sitting thinking school totoro sarah and maya playing in the background terrible music music piano i need to practice piano and flute too damn i need new guitar strings zdanko is waiting what about tomorrow hair cut should i get short or let it keep growing should i try and dye it no i will not dye it too much money mlkjr day no school sarah has no school have to babysit english mother fucking essay what a mind fucker essay haven't eaten yet today should get on that fuck i'm hungry fuck its far away fuck its time to read count of monte cristo harry potter mother fucking ragtime is staring at me fuckfuckfuckfuckshitballstimetosuchtodaysdick

i feel like i'm done with highschool,
and the second i can, i'm moving in with meredith and sean.
i'd move out right now if i could.

its been a while since i've posted something intelligent, and unfortunately i still do not have anything intelligent to talk about. its too bad that people are becoming more fucked up. i'm just looking around me and now i'm not even spiteful, just confused. i'm glad i have music and meredith and eliza and sarah and maya and sds, other wise i'd be going crazy.

the only new thing about this year is that 1990 was 10 years ago. i dont feel older, i dont feel depressed nor do i feel refreshed. all thats changed is school is intense and i'm sick. balls to the walls. time to suck 2010's dick.

my mother is such a freak.

who the fuck are you?

i cleaned my room.


happy fucking new year.